The Line // The Beginning

‘The Line’ is a journal of reflections which detail moments, thoughts and feelings at various points of my life. You can read the previous posts under Lifestyle.

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Welcome back to The Line, and this is only my second post for the series. I know, I know – it’s meant to be a weekly reflection, however, school gets the better of you sometimes. But through the all the late nights, exams, laughter, stress and craziness; I have finally made it. Made it to where exactly? Here, of course – halfway through the year and halfway through grade 10, which means I’ll need to do it all over again. It also means that it’s finally school holidays!! 

Firstly, the photo above is the Brisbane skyline at night time (obviously) from the grass area in Southbank, and I used my new camera –  a Canon EOS 6D so it was an experimental shot. It’s only The Beginning right

I feel like, throughout the past few months, I’ve done things that I should be proud of. I’ve gotten some good marks, played some good games, won a sports award for most improved player and… that’s all I’m going to say because I don’t want to boast. It’s pretty cool isn’t it? All these awards should make you feel good about yourself, right?

Well of course it’s great getting As and winning matches, but it’s hard to feel proud of something you don’t really want nor care about. My parents tell me they’re happy with what I’m doing, and I can’t accept their compliments if I don’t even accept them myself.

So am I really proud of those achievements? I guess I was temporarily proud within that certain moment – but now? No, I don’t think I am truly proud of it.

I am a strong believer in the clichéd theories of – everything happens for a reason, having a purpose in life and following your dreams. And I feel as though every action has led here to where I am today – which is the place I’m meant to be. Whether it’s the things I said, the people I’ve met or the things I’ve done. Every day, one after another, season after season, year after year; I’ve done something that has made me one step closer to where I’m supposed to be. Either something big or something small, or a combination of moments that have led me here.

So where is this “here”? Where is this “place I’m meant to be”? What is this “something”? What have I done?

This “here” is simply here. At my desk, in the kitchen, at Southbank, at Kangaroo Point, in Brisbane, in this city, at my dining table – doing what I love doing….. and that is blogging.

Then a few more questions arise – what I am proud of? What has made me feel happy about myself?

So I am proud of having the courage to start Beyond Our Sky; where I write about my life, cook delicious food, photograph the food and photograph the world we live in.  The other day I was watching the Matt Damon movie –  We Bought A Zoo, and it talks about having 20 seconds of courage. I never actually realised it, but within that 20 seconds you can do something so small that can lead to something so big. Just think about it.

A lot of people ask me why I started Beyond Our Sky, and it seems like a pretty simple question, right? But for some reason, I have trouble coming up with a truthful, proper answer.

So let me try to explain…

Before I mentioned this idea of having a purpose in life. Well it’s true. I have a purpose, you have a purpose – the entire world does. You may not believe it, but the easiest part is finding that purpose; that dream or that passion, and once you find it – you simply know. The hardest part is having the courage to pursue it, as we are often scared of where it may take us. That feeling we all feel- is fear. So as stupid as it may sound, we must travel in the direction of fear and eventually overcome it.

Within this year of 2016, I think I have found my purpose – that’s why this post is called “The Beginning”. The beginning of  my purpose. And at this current moment in time, it is blogging, as well as inspiring others and making them happy. When people ask me, why I started Beyond Our Sky; I usually say it’s because I like to cook-which IS the truthful answer. But I feel like it’s so much more, much much more. It’s indescribable and I don’t even understand it myself….to a point where I can’t even answer the question.

It’s like someone was telling me, and I’m not talking about God or some superior power, you must start a blog. I don’t know if it was my conscious or this voice at the back of my head. I really don’t know. It felt like it was yelling – BLOG! BlOG! BLOG! YOU HAVE TO CREATE A BLOG! I know you think I’m crazy, but I feel as though it’s my purpose. Like was born to do it, and it’s the place I’m meant to be. It’s a matter of following your heart and doing what it silently tells you to do.

So everything happens for a reason since I showed signs of creativity from a very young age. As a toddler, I loved to paint and draw. Then I started to help make breakfast with my mum and I learnt how to make pancakes. Then I started making cupcakes. I feel like, all those things – happened because they was supposed to. If you get what I mean? But more recently, last year in grade 9, my friend and I created an I.T video for this performance called Artsfest. Originally, I wasn’t going to be in the I.T group and it just so happened that I replaced someone. And in the end; we created this amazing stop motion video! The thing I gained from that experience was that I loved editing and filming videos. So I wanted to start a YouTube channel!

If I wasn’t involved in I.T, would I have known that I liked creating videos? See, as I said – the things I’ve done have led me here to where I am today. And basically, everything happens for a reason.

Then why Michelle? Why aren’t you a YouTuber? Why are you writing these long, boring blog posts about your boring life instead of having a YouTube channel?

One day I might do both; a blog and a YouTube channel– I’m just not ready for that yet. I think blogging allows me to express my message better. But here is a short video I created and thank you to Charles Williams for the song “Where You Wanna Be”:

So I am blogging because…last year, I met a person who has become a good friend of mine. She changed the way I see things and see the world. We actually wrote letters to each other, and we talked about anything and everything. Unfortunately, at the end of 2015, I only said a quick goodbye before we went on Christmas holidays – we were kinda like “See you next year and have a good holiday”. So, as it turns out, she actually left school. At first I was disappointed since I didn’t say a proper goodbye, but I eventually realised that it’s her life and that it’s for the better. Because she’s where she’s meant to be and doing what she’s meant to be doing.  Words cannot describe how much she impacted my life, and if it wasn’t for her – I don’t know if I would be being to do this. And that’s one of the things that amazes me so much; how people have the power to somehow change someone’s life from the simple things they do or say. After all, we are living surrounded by the beauty of life. Pretty inspiring isn’t it?

In the end, I think we met for a reason and I think she left for a reason. Maybe it’s to fulfil her purpose; but we’ll have to wait and see.

Beyond. Our. Sky. Beyond Our Sky. If I asked myself two years ago, would I imagine having/creating a blog? No of course not. Currently, as I write this; I’ve had 1584 views, 250 visitors, 43 likes and 2 comments. From countries all over the world such as Australia (obviously), the United States, France, Germany, Switzerland and more.

It’s honestly a little bit surreal and it may not seem like a lot of views. Although, I’m not really doing it for the views; I’m doing it because I genuinely enjoy cooking, photographing and reading.  If people want to read it – that’s great and I hope they feel inspired; not only feel inspired to cook, but inspired to live more and make the most out of life.

So how do I feel at 15 years old? At the moment I’m okay. It’s hard to describe how you feel since it’s hard to put it into words. I’m pretty happy and I feel like I’ve discovered myself more this year. Especially through Beyond Our Sky and the people I’ve spoken to. I also feel like I have so much to say about the world, I just don’t how to say it.

Why do we spend more time on our appearance rather than what’s inside? Why do we worry about what others think of us? Why do we seek compliments? Why do we get jealous when someone is better than us? Why do we idolise famous people so much? Why does it feel like this world is getting worse? Were people nicer once upon a time? When did we worry about being alone? Why do we try to fit in?

There are so many unanswered questions that are impossible to answer. It has a lot to do with social media and the numerous messages being implied in society. But mainly, human nature is flawed and the world is imperfect. It’s just the way it is – perfectly imperfect. The world is meant to be open place where we don’t know everything and I’m fine with that. We are meant to figure things out, and make new discoveries. Yet we will never truly know why or how we were created.

I often feel alone in this place. I feel like no one really cares about what I have to say or the things I do. And that’s okay. Because I have hope and belief that I’m doing the right thing. If there’s one person who needs your love and belief it’s yourself. Believe in yourself and be yourself (another clichéd theory).

At school we’re receiving careers talks about jobs, OPs and university. My parents don’t believe that I can make a career at of blogging or being of chef. They want me to be a doctor or something in medical. If I said I didn’t want to go university – would they be okay with that? No. Just no. I feel like university is not the place for me, and it’s not part of my purpose.  The problem is that people care more about the money rather than doing what they love. In order to get a job – you need a good OP to get into university and then you need a degree of somewhat to get a well-paying job. Since when was money more important? Why are there so many people wanting an education? Am I taking it for granted?

There’s also more rubbish at happening at school. When I say rubbish, I mean gossip. Whether it’s at lunch or on social media. And since humans are voyeuristic (thank you English) we always want to know the latest news. That’s what I hate about myself and most people I guess – a lot of us say mean things out of jealously. Is it really that hard to be nice? We should be happy for them if their better than us, not jealous.

I also notice that people are afraid to be alone. When did it become a crime to be alone? I think it’s insecurity, and I think we’re the only one’s that are conscious of it. It’s almost like we’re thinking: “Oh no, I’m sitting by myself” or “Oh no, I am walking by myself. I’m such a loner” – so we are telling ourselves that we are alone. It’s our mentality that we think everyone will notice – when you are the only one that notices. I heard it’s called the “spotlight effect”. So here’s the definition:

“The spotlight effect is the phenomenon in which people tend to believe they are noticed more than they really are. Being that one is constantly in the center of one’s own world, an accurate evaluation of how much one is noticed by others has shown to be uncommon” (Wikipedia 2016).

It’s the same with appearance. For example, when we get pimples or acne; we ourselves notice it more than others. So we think everyone will see the large pimple on our face. This leads to insecurity.

One of the things I always follow is the saying – leave things better than you found them. Whether it’s watering a plant to ensure for its growth, or talking to someone and making them feel happier; hence I feel like it’s part of my purpose –to inspire. Leave things better than you found them – what mark or legacy do you want to leave behind? Leave this world knowing you made it a better place and knowing you made a positive impact.  On a side note: we wrote this letter to our future selves in grade 12 back in term 1. And I can’t wait to see my reaction when I receive that letter. I remember writing something along the lines of “I hope you start a YouTube channel”, and I am proud because I have started a bog.

I think blogging, cooking and creating has been my purpose all along. Sometimes we meet people that make us realise or see things we never notice…that make us feel….real and alive I guess. Like being born for the first time. It’s hard to describe feelings since they are meant to be felt.

The main reason I’m writing this is so I am able to look back on it and see how I was feeling when I was 15 years old. I don’t want to regret anything I saw because I am in the moment. In ten years’ time – I might laugh at my stupidity and my bad English. Most of all, however, I think I will laugh at how wrong I was about this world. And how hard it is to follow your dreams. And how much we are influenced by the people telling us to choose something we don’t want to do. Remember “the 3 C’s in life”? “You must make a choice to take a chance or your life will never change”.

You know what I admire most about little kids and children? Their ability to say what their want and not being worried about what others think – since this society is so judgemental. They are so wise because they say these crazy things like: I want to be a dancer or an astronaut. And then they are told, later in life, that they can’t pursue the job that they are meant to pursue. Because they are told that they won’t be able to do it, and that the money is more important. (I might write a full post on it called The Wisdom of Youth). Kids act the way the want and they’re not afraid to do what they want. That deserves some true admiration.

I know this is pretty bad and quite all over the place. I don’t think I am going to edit it because I want it to be raw and imperfect. I doubt anyone will actually read to this all. So well done if you did. Also this is brilliant (keep it in mind for the rest of your life):

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And another quote:

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Basically; don’t worry too much about marks, what is school really testing you on anyway? We are all smart, even if you don’t believe it. What’s the point of learning something then forgetting it? Getting good grades doesn’t make you happy and winning matches doesn’t either. We think it does, but it’s only temporary.

Finally; we have a purpose, we must follow our dreams and LIVE. That’s our ultimate goal – to live and be alive. I hope Beyond Our Sky will still hold a place in my heart and, one day, have the power to change the world (that’s a bit farfetched). But have the power to influence and inspire the many people out there. I hope my reflection as fifteen year old will help me in the future, so I can help others who were the same age. Don’t spend too much time worrying about the future. I’ve also realised that we can easily lose our purpose, and does your purpose change as life goes on? I’m not sure and I have yet to find out.

So get out there and LIVE. Thank you for reading and don’t spend too much time on my blog – then you are not really living!

 

Dedicated to T.L – you’re never here, but to me you always are and always will be.

 

 

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